December 2024

Hello friends,

The best time to do anything is when you’re really not meant to be doing it. In this case, I have a ton of year end deadlines knocking on my door but that just gives me the impetus to write. “Why am I like this?” I scream at myself often while seeing my own reflection with a wry smile.

On Family

It’s been a very strange month, one of warmth. I have been very blessed by my family. That they clearly support me (although with the usual caveats that come from having high standards) and are able to express their love for me. In this family I include all the people that have raised me, most notably my parents friends. They have seen me grow up and in windows of time have given me gifts of conversation and books. They have hugged me when I have returned and made me feel like what I was doing was meaningful. I feel fortunate to have the parents I do and all their friends that have taken care of me.

We sat at a table on Christmas and my words were gathering in my throat, almost like children behind a curtain at a school play. My Dad noticed and said that I had something to say. Very strange how he knew that. I stumbled a bit and my voice cracked in places but I managed to say that I admire how my parents and their friends have treated each other and that when people ask me why I am the way with my own friends I just say I try to reflect what I have been lucky enough to see.

It is not that I am not seen in Oslo but I am not known in the same way. It is a familiarity that goes even beyond understanding. In the eyes of my elders there is a part of me that exists that even I don’t have access to, only they can tell me of myself and it goes both ways. I think that’s also why old friends are so important. They are companions in this long river of life. I called my friend in Australia the other day and we had no plan. He just asked “what are we going to talk about?” and we just went on an intellectual walk. It’s such a beautiful thing. His daughter is healthy, he told me and also very sociable. I hope that I get to see her one day, I said and I can be that uncle who says that I knew her when she was thiiiiis small.

A Lack of Lemongrasss

Someone I knew once called me terribly naïve for taking the Human Development Index so seriously in determining my life choices and in many ways she was right. As I wandered the streets of Oslo I saw things that made sense to my rational mind, well designed parks, off the scale walkability, bike lanes everywhere and a river so clean one could feasibly drink from it - not advised but out of all the rivers in all the capital cities in the entire world I would probably choose Oslo’s. At the same time it was all so alienating. My usual park is one that overlooks the well-planned city and the islands that lie in the fjord like those mythical turtles that hold up each their own world and I sigh. Where are my people, where is the laughter?¹

In Bangkok underneath an elevated trainstation whose underbelly was blackened by the street smoke I saw two traffic wardens shadowboxing Muay Thai. I went to Portugal once and another friend of mine said that I was being such a white LinkedInBro for saying how the Portguese seemed happier even though they had less than people in Norway. I’ll happily be called a white LinkedIn Bro because in some cases I do think that’s true. Of course the fact that fish sauce is widely available in small towns in Norway speaks to the desire of Thais to seek their fortune abroad but it also doesn’t mean that there was not more joy to be had at home.

There’s an asian supermarket that I go to in Oslo and I can never bring myself to buy the lemongrass. It is always so pale and dry. My brother is the opposite of me, he will happily eat Malaysian food wherever he can find it in varying forms of interpretation. For me, it’s just too sad and I would rather go without than to taste a shadow of a memory.

Things I’ve read, watched and listened to

Books:

• The End of the Nineteen-Nineties by Hafiz Noor Shams - a mix of a personal account and a retelling of history, Shams shares what it felt like riding on the optimism of the Malaysia of the 1990’s where everything seemed possible and it was on the cusp of reaching the fabled status of a ‘developed country’ as well exploring where it went wrong. I will be keeping my notes here
• Fooled by Randomness by Nicolas Nassim Taleb - the main idea is that we attribute a lot more to agency when it really should be attributed to chance

Youtube:

• Tiberian Sun - The Best Post-Apocalyptic World in Fiction

Songs:

• The Orchids by Califone - creamy and dreamy and something I could listen to on repeat for days
• One Day by Matisyahu

That’s it from me and I’ll see you in the New Year.

Much love,

Tim